


please don't take your life away from me

by orphan_account



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Helping, I need therapy, Late Night Phone Calls, M/M, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, check tags for triggers please frens, past self harm, platonic, possibly romantic idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 09:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alex hates the night time.





	please don't take your life away from me

**Author's Note:**

> check tags for triggers please my frens xxxx

It was night-time. Alex hated the night.

It was so unpredictable that he found himself crying himself to sleep every night.

The darkness was back, in stark contrast, almost sickeningly so, to the bright Christmas tree coated in joy. The boy was collapsed on the armchair, vision blurred from lack of sleep. Sleep he craved but couldn't find.

The shadows squeezed his throat - his heart thumped as he silently suffocated.

His mind kept wandering to dark places - urging him to take his life as it painted pictures in the dark of everyone being happier without him. And he really, really, wanted to. He'd never felt more suicidal in his entire life. Even more so than the day he tried to leave, but couldn't. He just couldn't.

When would his empty shell realise he didn't want to wake up anymore?

* * *

He was so so scared.

He… He needed to hear Jack’s voice for the last time before he cut too deep - just like he had planned to all those months ago.

Digital figures glared at him. It was 1:30am.

He prayed to the God he had never even bothered to believe in that Jack was still awake. He'd given up on hope a long fucking time ago. Fingers shaking, he scrolled through his (few) contacts until he found Jack. Inhaling, he closed his eyes as he pressed the call button.

There was no going back now.

* * *

“Alex?” His best friend gently asked. Gaskarth stayed silent, nervous his voice would betray him.

“Jack, you know I love you, right?”

He could hear the confusion, the nervousness in his friend's reply. “Of course I do.” Alex’s face fell, the anxiety kicking in once more. Maybe Jack never loved him.

“I need to tell you something, okay?” Alex's voice cracked,and he scratched harshly at the “accidental scratches” on his wrists as a punishment for his stupidity.

“Go on Gaskarth.” He could hear the worry in Jack’s tone. Shit, this wasn't meant to happen.

He should be dead by now. He should be bleeding out on his bedroom floor.  
He should be gone. He should be gone.

“I never - I never meant to hurt you, okay? I'm sorry.” There was silence. The only thing Alex could hear was his laboured, heavy breathing.

“Sorry for what Alex? Why on earth are you apologising?”

“I love you Jack. It's not your fault - it's all me.”

Alex could hear the fear in Barakat’s tone - fear alike to his own.

“What are you talking about?”

“I love you,” Alex was sobbing loudly now. He had never thought saying goodbye would hurt as badly as it did. “Goodbye Jack.”

* * *

Jack finally realised.  
Alex was going to leave him. He needed Alex so fucking bad it terrified him.

“Alex!” Jack screamed down the line. Tears ruining his vision. He could hear his friend's laboured, pained breaths down the telephone line. He needed Alex to know before it was too late.

“I love you.”

“No, you don't.” Alex's voice was empty. Devoid of anything and everything.

“I love you Alexander William Gaskarth.” There was silence once more. But it was a comfortable one at that.

“Jack,” Alex's voice was quiet - rough from crying. “It hurts so fucking bad.”

Jack found himself crying too - but he was smiling through the tears because Al was still with him. “I know it does Lexy, I know it does.”

“I need you J,” Alex whispered. “I don't wanna be alone right now.”

Jack shushed his crumbling friend. “Shush, Lexy, it's okay. I'm on my way babe.”

* * *

And so Jack saved Alex that night. Or maybe Alex saved himself.

But he was still breathing and in that moment, that was all that mattered to the both of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this was okay. 
> 
> Writing this was fun. I had an existential crisis and mental breakdown and cried. Yay. 
> 
> This is a really personal fic, I worked hard on this and maybe it showed and maybe it didn't. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated guys. 
> 
> Love you all and here's to a better 2018.  
> Stay alive for me |-/
> 
> <3 <3 <3


End file.
